Hi, If You Are Still Tuned In

I think I used to start this blog saying “Hey Lovlies”. So Hey Lovlies, I know it has been a while. I haven’t blogged in years! I remember all of your kind words and comments when I used to blog habitually.

I would not even say I am the same girl I was 2014-2015; I’ve done a lot of changing and realizing things. For starters, I would like to say that there was a significant change in my emotional healthiness. I used to think bottling up all of your emotions made you strong. Now, I come to you as a 22 year old who is not afraid to express her emotions. I figured out to battle the demons you have to first confront them. Everyday is not sunshine and flowers; to tell the truth most days are not. However, the effort a put in as a flawed human being matters. I am more inclined to give myself the praise and worship that I deserve nowadays.

Somethings are still the same! I’m still as cynical and bold as I was before (see previous blogs). I just choose the times I want to be cynical and bold, because everything does not merit a reaction. I know what and who to put my energy in. The older I get the more I realize that a lot of people are not worth my energy. My energy is dear and precious and deserves protection.

That’s all I have to say for now! If you have anymore questions, drop them below!

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Black and Mentally Stigmatized?


  Everyone knows that mental illness is stagmized. It sucks a whole lot! Mental illnesses aren’t perceived real by numerous people. Unfortunately, a lot of these folks who don’t believe in it may be mentally ill. 

  The world is progressing in small strides with its’ perception of mental illnesses. Yet, to be a person of color and mentally ill is another battle. It is known that many people of color won’t seek treatment for diseases that aren’t physical. 

 Growing up in the Baltimore City Schools System, I don’t remember ever learning about mental illnesses. And that my friends is a problem in its self. How are we going to know if we’re having a mental crisis if we don’t even know anything about it? It’s nearly impossible.

  So writing this as a mentally ill woman of color, I want everyone especially my poc to know it’s okay to not be okay. You may find it embarrassing or hard to speak about; because I did and sometimes still do. Yet, I have to remind myself that it’s nothing to be ashamed about! 

 The people around you may not understand. Bare with them and try to educate them! Go to therapy if you need it! Take medication if it’s what you need. However, don’t let societal stigmas hinder your recovery or understanding of your mentally illness.

               Signed a mentally ill black girl

Semester 6

Hello readers,

  That’s if I have any readers left! I’ve been so inconsistent with my blogging, and for that I extend immense apologies. Life happens and interest get pushed to the side!

  If any of you remember me, you’ll remember that I am a college student. This upcoming Monday, I’ll be starting my last semester of my junior year. Yay… ugh, I’m so ambivalent about college and the educational system. On one hand, I’m passionate about education, and I’m really good at being a student. However, lately I’ve been feeling crushed by the societal pressures of it all.

  All I can think of if what if it’s all for nothing? What if those panic attacks about not passing a class goes to waste? What if those thoughtless all-nighter were pointless? What if I am just a pawn of the educational system?

 These thoughts plague me frequently. And you could see how this complicates everything for me. 

  If anyone if familiar with Beyonce, I dedicate one of her lyrics to my love/hate relationship with school. In one of her songs she says, “You’re my life line, but you trynna kill me.” Whew, if that doesn’t explain it all. School has always been my savings grace ;however, the stress is toxic to my wellbeing. 

 I’ve said all of this to say that I’m scared. Contrary to belief, I don’t have it all together. Share your college stories with me in the comments.

Making the Best of The Holidays

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November has started, and a lot of folks are filled with Holiday cheer. I myself am not that big on holidays. Nevertheless, I have wisely decided to make the best out of what I have this holiday season. Because I am very cynical of the reason for holidays, I have avoided the glee and yip-yip hooray feelings that are associated with them. But life is so short and it can easily be taken for granted; therefore, I will whole-heartily put my best foot forward while entering the season.

This is the first time in a long time that I am actually excited to engage in the gluttony of what we call “thanksgiving”. Hopefully, when I return home from college I can create some dishes that my family will enjoy. If i’m lucky we can leave the house and go watch a Christmas light show after the movies. So readers do you think it is easy to recreate a spark that has been loss for a period of time? Unfortunately, I haven’t had much experience with that; however, i’m hoping it’s possible.

I will never be able to bring back the spark of Christmas as a child; yet, I might be able to start a new spark from scratch. Ever since I began my journey of decolonizing my mind it has been hard to even crack a smile, at the thought of the capitalistic Holiday. I always wonder why exchanging and receiving gifts is so important, when there are people who can’t afford the cost of living day to day. Whatever the reason may be it’s a cultural norm to be happy and cheerful during these times. So for the sake of those around me and my mental health I will make the best of it!

What’s your favorite holiday tradition? Comment below.

 

Inexcusable Behavior 

Everyone in life goes through some type of hardship right? Some people’s hardships may be persistent, others hardships may be situational. Mental illness and underlying circumstances play a substantial part in many of our lives.

 However, as human beings are we supposed to take other people’s blatant disrespect and nasty attitudes, just because they have things going on? I would like to swiftly answer that, and the answer is no! Yes, life can be a bitch majority of the times. Yet, this is not an excuse to go around treating others like shit.

As a person, whose deals  with the struggles that life dishes out as well as mental illness there is no excuse. When people are spreading their horrible attitudes and vicious actions to others they aren’t considering anyone else. Therefore, I believe why must the good suffer with the bad. If these people aren’t pondering how you feel about their actions and how it affects you, why bother? 

I only through a lot constantly, but I make it my duty not to plague others with my attitude. If I’m not feeling like or others I will simply isolate myself; therefore, my actions and or words aren’t affecting others. Unfortunately, a lot of people are so self-centered.

Ladies and gents, I believe the point of this was to say don’t put up with other people’s bullshit. If this bullshit is hindering you in any way you are not obligated to take it! Think about it, if the shoe was on the other foot would they put up with you?

All I Wanna Say Is That They Don’t Really Care About Us

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When we were younger we always wondered who was included in the “they” Micheal Jackson harshly referred to in his song. Look no further folks, we have found the us and the they he tried to inform us about! Lets talk about one of the most substantial crisis on AMERICAN SOIL. Yeah that’s right folks in happening right in Murica. It’s the water crisis that is happening in Flint Michigan.

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This here is the water that people in Flint were using to bathe and drink. Lead infested water! Governor Rick Snyder thought it would be a good idea to save money so he changed the cities water system. The water supply was coming from Flint’s river as opposed to it’s prior water supply from Detroit. So yes folks saving money is more vital than a human right which is clear water. Yet, as Americans we always seem to peek over seas and point out everyone else’s flaws instead of helping those in own backyard. However, a lot of people sent bottles of water that was great. Unfortunately, I was in circumstances where I could not donate.

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Just as declining conditions in Flint, Detroit’s school system is taking a hit as well. Impoverished places always seem to get looked over and stomped on! It’s sickening. Then those who are on the outside looking in are quick to judge. How many of you have ever heard of lead poisoning? Well if your from an inner city such as Flint, Baltimore or Detroit most likely you are familiar with the term. It is found in houses, schools and water(Flint). Lead poisoning intervenes with ones mental and physical health.  Hmm? So would that have something to do with crime and poor scores in inner city schools? You make the connection! Since I am an Baltimore native I know many people with lead and it’s really hard for them to function especially in educational settings. So who is going to stand up and for those who are in these conditions? The way things are looking it seems like most people are turning there heads in situations of injustice.

 

 

The Speed at Which Life Progresses

We all know that change is inevitable right? But sometimes sayings like that sound more like a cliche than reality. It never seems like reality until it bombards your life and you’re sitting here like damn,where did the time go? Some are you are familiar with the facts I discussed about myself on here. Yet,it has been a while since I have updated you guys.

Long story short I am 20 now! Wow time flies! I believe I was 18 when I began this blog. I am 20 and now I am begging life to give me the answer to my purpose here on earth! Yeah I know that’s deep. I could quote Drake all year long: “Nothing was the same”. The biggest event of my friends and I 19-20 year old lives is two of my closest friends bearing children. Congrats to them, both of them are due in May to have little girls. They are both starting families.

Yes I know you can’t dodge change in your journey. But what if change makes you feel indifferent? Or what if change throws anxiety inflicting darts at your life? For example, I am a strong believer that we are who we are due to the people, places and things we endure. Yet, when those circumstances morph into something else who are we?

Savannah-Demi Conflict 4

  Savannah’s birthday was coming up this week. Yet, the year she endured before January approached still had her stumped. Can you say 2015 problems following into 2016 problems? How could she celebrate her life with the problems that were before her? Celebrate her life while he was fighting for his? Didn’t seem feasible to her. Besides no one ever did anything special for her birthday anyways. You know the things that everyone dreams of like leaving the shower to find balloons in their room. Or maybe walking into a surprised party. Lol a girl could dream. But Savannah slipped out of it. A girl like her couldn’t afford to live in dream world so she traveled her ass back to reality. Damn well this SUCKS!

The Current Generation and its Political Correctness

  I know you guys are aware of this “new generations” political correctness. Even Jerry Sinfield is aware of it; therefore, he decided to not perform at colleges. You know he doesn’t want to tell a joke to offend these politically correct crowds. Or is the case merely that Jerry and people like his-self just want to continue to perpuate stereotypes with no penalty? You know make jokes about oppressed and marganialized groups and have the crowd turn their head on the wrongdoing? I think that’s exactly what those opposed to political correctness want to happen!
  If you haven’t figured out by now I’m apart of this “new generation”. Did you pick up on that? I’ve witnessed people name our generation entitled, crybabies, and easily offended. These names all derive from the simple fact that we want social progress. How are people still going to prefer to my people as niggers and social progress still happens? It won’t! Oppressive behavior needs to end. I would have used another oppressed group but I decided to stick to one dear to me. Yet, I’m done with this rant let me know below your stance on political correctness!

Savannah Demi Conflict 3.

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Have you ever had to transition? Well Savannah Demi has! She has to do it so much her head spun. Transition Transition Transition! Yet, it was hardly ever beneficial to her tiring life.

You better bet that she persevered! Of course she did. She had to because society saw her as, “the strong black girl”. Yeah yeah S. Demi heard it all before. Why couldn’t she just put her head under the covers when adversity came knocking? All she wanted to do was give her friend perseverance a rest. 
You wanna know what S.Demi had to transition from? Well I guess we can share this overbearing list. S. Demi had to go from best friends to strangers with people. Why? Well this was due to the persons high level of toxicity. The same rule applied for family and relationships that were not platonic. She also had to transition from a urban city to a rural place where she furthers her education. Can you say utopia vs. dystopia? The most dreadful transition was the transition between having someone in her life and having someone never to return.